maybe i am not the only one, but it hurts when nothing is said
the hostility is chilling me out, why don't you ever ask?
i waited for the whole day, for you to conjure up something...
but my hope faded off when the time struck twelve
yet another day of futile wishing was destroyed...

i wonder if you really do know me at all?
and ask if you were ever concerned about my emotions?
why do my friends always make the first move faster than u?
you are supposed to be my first source of help,
and now you are relegated to something which is nothing near?
don't you ever feel ashame of yourself?
you think you are always right erh?

i do not want things to be this way,
but when crying start to become something of a normality to me,
i believe some thing's not right,
it is hard to shed things off like it never happened,
but yet i have to do that all the time...

p.s. there you have it rachel, thank you!!!

it is beyond my control, beyond my choice...
i have got no idea how i got myself into this heap of mess
it's just utterly messy!!! GAa-AAAh!!!

my emotions spinning out of my grasp (sorry to ppl who have put up with my moodiness)
and i have got no idea how to cover the wound deep within me
every time i laugh, somewhere within me seem reluctant
every time i try to put on a brave front, it hurts alot inside...

every night, i lie awake and pray
i hope someone will discover my turbulence
lend me that helping hand
to wipe off my endless tears
and tell me every thing's alright

And sometimes all i ask for
is just a little encouragement...

the tears are welling up deep inside,
the wound is tearing inside out

P.S thanks buddies... specially to u, yuehua (for the potion) and jacq (for your presence)!! LOLx

my wound cuts like a knife whenever you torment me...
you never know that i cried deep in the night...
for all the stress and burden that i am sailing through
and yet in this exhausting journey
i am left all alone to ward off my frantic troubles
which rooted from a place nearest to me


the false front i put on is for a wish that
one day my perseverance will pull through
and dawn the start of joyous truly happy family

the support you gave me is one of your imagination
it never exist, it is a expanding illusion
which i hope you will wake urself out from
before i lead myself astray and sought love
from the source that i know you dread

i promise that,
i will never want your support again
NEVER AGAIN ALL MY LIFE
i will derived my strength from my own pillar
embrace myself with my own support
and expel my dependence with my independence

you will regret what you done, i swear
you will never be the same to me ever again

the love i have for you is in smithereens which can never be mended

heard some fact and news from nike-imposer today, totally shocked after hearing those news,
sometimes i think people who have power, who are in the higher management, they tend to
commit malicious and disgusting acts which put in total contrast of what we expect from someone
who is of a higher part of the career ladder. to say the least, i am totally shell-shocked, completely stunned till i am speechless to the depths of my very soul. i never expect myself to end up in that pile of shit, not in my wildest of dreams. i never thought i will end up in that list, to ever considered to become 'expelled' from the 'order'. darn, i hope the next time, another miracle will happen and save me from this audacity like this time. hopefully it wont ever encounter me ever again. i was a person who used to accept only miracle, now i believe in failure. the feeling of downfall is approaching me, and i have no single idea of how to drag myself out of this catastrophe and stop myself in my continuous downward arc...

As life goes on I'm starting to learn more and more about responsibility
And I realize that everything I do is affecting the people around me
So I want to take some time out to apologize for things i done....

sorry to everyone whom i ever offended
sorry to everyone who have to put up with my fcuked up attitude
sorry to everyone who i never care about
sorry to everyone....

as i grow, i find that my bubbly character is deserting me...
i wonder if that is because of my coming of age
or is it just due the stress that have been befalling on me
like a giant avalanche

as i grow, i find that i am losing myself
the last time that i really laugh is now a distant memory
i do not want to be out casted
but the prospect of that happening seem to increasE with every passing day

as i grow, i can feel death creeping nearer to me
what is going going to happen after death?
the thought of that fascinate me
will we be transported to another dimension between heaven and hell
and who knows, after i die, i will be reincarnated into a Martian,
maybe a lonely one too

as i grow, i find the colours slipping away
like my days have been bleached
it's weird, they feel like
they have been derived of the usual brightness
and in place of them is the scary dullness


I AM LOSING IT!!!
u got me going crazy...